Grace in the Everyday

As I sit here and reflect on the past two months, there are a few thoughts I'd like to share with you - while moving to Thailand has been one of the best things, it has also been one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Noble intentions and all, I've had weak, doubt-filled moments where I felt like God maybe called the wrong person for the job. Like maybe some bold, young man gifted with evangelism was supposed to come do the work but he was too busy to listen to the call. I've also realised that I had some misconceptions about what this blank-cheque, step-of-faith adventure would look like.

Working out my salvation on foreign soil.

In the trenches every day.

Wild-eyed, boldly proclaiming.

Pulling souls from the fire.


These are some of the phrases that I thought would describe life. But to be honest, most days it feels less like a wild adventure and more like I'm taking unsure baby steps, living in the mundane mess of everyday life. 

Smiling and simply loving the kids shouting "Teacher! Teacher!" at me dozens of times a day. 

Quiet, early morning moments spent in the Word.

Having broken conversations with the family who owns the restaurant across the street where I often eat dinner.

Praying, because in this dark place that seems so beyond God, I do not know where else to start.

I read a quote a few weeks ago that has been echoing in my soul ever since: 

While I know I am supposed to be here, the command to work out my salvation on foreign soil feels much bigger than anything I am capable of. And that's the point. The strength to follow the command could never come from me (as this song so aptly puts it). He is the One who will grant what He commands. So that He gets the glory. My only boast is Christ.

So I will say "Yes" to whatever He has in store for me. Taking small steps, living faithfully in the routine this new life is settling into. Trusting that in these moments He will use me to proclaim the Good News to the everyday people I encounter. There is grace enough for the everyday, mercies that are new every morning and divine purpose given by a sovereign God.

For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

(1 Corinthians 1:26-31 ESV)

One Month In

It's so tempting for my fingers to slide across these keys and produce clichés like, "I can't believe I've been here for a month already!" or to reference time flying or something to that effect. I'm trying to resist this awful temptation, because time is not suddenly moving at a greater speed now that I'm in a different country. There are still 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week.

So for now I'm simply stating that I've been in Thailand for one month. 30 days. Once again I'm tempted to write something about my complete disbelief at this reality. But in the greater scheme of things 30 days really isn't that long. Reality is, moving to a new country with a completely different culture and language makes you appreciate that there are still only 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. That's a given. A constant. Strangely enough I've found that time becomes a secondary issue because there are so many novelties and learning experiences involved in this new adventure.

Life lately has been less about time passing and more about moment by moment living and surviving in this new place. 

At first, even something simple like finding supper is overwhelming and time-consuming. Everything takes longer because I have to figure it out first, thinking about a million things at once  - my limited Thai vocabulary, unknown, strange-looking food, different customs and norms, different language and writing. I'm learning to be quiet in the minutes and sometimes hours that I don't understand what's going on around me. This would have irked me back in a culture where time is money and simply observing in silence would be considered wasteful.

But here I am learning humility and patience in the not-knowing. 

There have been many 'firsts' in the past 30 days. And there are sure to be many more in the days that lie ahead. For now I am celebrating the small victories. And learning from the inevitable mistakes I make every day.

I said that I appreciate that the passing of time is a given. A constant. But there is one other constant that I cannot neglect to mention, especially in light of what has transpired in the last month. Because ultimately this culture-crossing, laying-down-everything, moment-by-moment, grace-upon-grace life is about Him.

The book of Hebrews says that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.

He is steadfast. 

Immovable. 

The eternal God. 

The unwavering One in every new experience, every silent minute, every celebrated victory, every humbling loss I face. 

So for the next 60 minutes, the next 24 hours and the next 7 days, if He so graciously grants me the time, I will move forward in His strength.

He is worth it. 

Reality Check

"You and I have an average of about seventy or eighty years on this earth. During these years we are bombarded with the temporary. Make money. Get stuff. Be comfortable. Live well. Have fun. In middle of it all, we get blinded to the eternal. But it's there. You and I stand on the porch of eternity. Both of us will soon stand before God to give an account for our stewardship of the time, the resources, the gifts, and ultimately the gospel He has entrusted to us. When that day comes, I am convinced we will not wish we had given more of ourselves to living for the things of this world. We will not wish we had made more money, acquired more stuff, lived more comfortably, taken more vacations, watched more television, pursued great retirement, or been more successful in the eyes of this world. Instead we will wish we had given more of ourselves to living for the day when every nation, tribe, people, and language will bow around the throne and sing the praises of the Savior who delights in radical obedience and the God who deserves eternal worship." 

-David Platt, from the book 'Radical.'

My alabaster jar

Hello there. This is my first blog post and I should probably start by introducing myself. I'm Susan, a twenty-something Jesus follower who is about to embark on a crazy new adventure in Thailand. In less than 2 weeks I will be stepping onto a plane and into the unknown. But actually it won't be completely unknown. My God is all-knowing and He is already there.

But let's back up for a second. You're probably wondering how I got here. Why Thailand? I can't exactly tell you why, just that from the first time I set foot in Thailand I felt an incredible connection to the place, the people. The darkness and hopelessness I saw haunted me, and I knew that only the light of the gospel could bring hope. After my second short term missions trip to Thailand I was ready to pack my bags and move there. Thank God that His timing is not our timing. As a naive 21 year old I still had a lot to learn. I would like to say that I was not ready then but I still don't feel ready now, 6 years later. Fast forward to last year September. I visited a friend in Vietnam and also went to Singapore. And I was done for. Asia captured me again, heart and soul. I knew without a doubt that God was calling me there. In the months that followed the burden grew stronger and stronger for the millions yet unreached. What am I doing in a country flooded with light when there are those in Asia and specifically Thailand who still sit in darkness? Much prayer, tears and conversations followed and I decided to seriously pursue going to Thailand.  

And so here I am. Less than two weeks away from taking a step of radical obedience. Obedience without much clarity. Like Peter I am stepping out of the boat with my eyes on Jesus. At times I feel like if I look around too much I will most certainly drown. But even in my doubts and 'what have I done?!' moments I know God is still holding me. I need to keep my eyes on Him and not on the seemingly impossible circumstances. 

As I pour out the alabaster jar of my life it is His power in me that sustains me. I embrace Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 5:7 - we walk by faith and not by sight. And right now it seems like God is only revealing each step as I take it. But He knows the road mapped out for me. He is sovereign. And He is teaching me so much in this. Trusting Him. Being wholly dependent on Him. Having faith, like Abraham, that He won't lead me somewhere and then leave me to fend for myself. Obeying so that He gets the glory. And that is my ultimate prayer, that God would be glorified. That Christ will have the prize for which He died - an inheritance of nations. Let's do this!

"Faith is not intelligent understanding; faith is deliberate commitment to a Person, where I see no way." 

-Oswald Chambers